Parent Support for Neurodivergent Kids

Many parents ask me how they can help their teen start making needed changes. Today I will answer some of the most frequently asked questions (FAQs) from parents. 

Q: My teen won’t start anything! What should I do?

A: Like all questions, this is not a one sized fits all approach. Each individual teen has unique strengths and weaknesses.

Start by asking your teen open-ended questions to uncover why they struggle to get started. For example, "what part seems the hardest to do?" "Is this feeling overwhelming? What part feels overwhelming?"

It may help to sit down with your teen for a while. Take it step by step. Break big tasks into smaller steps. Write the steps down. Put each step in order. ADHD, Autistic, PDA Teens feel like getting started is easier when there is a clear path moving forward and they know exactly what to start with. 

Q: What do I do when my ADHD, Autistic, or PDA teen is overwhelmed or shutting down?

A: Giving time and space with a clear response of when you both will return to the discussion is always a good idea. Many times neurodivergent teens need time and space to process. When our nervous system gets overwhelmed it is difficult to think clearly, process new information, or make a decision. Teens must feel regulated so that they can properly absorb and respond to what you are asking of them.

Offering skills and suggestions can be helpful, including self sooth objects (fidget toys), offering to do paced breathing (boxed breathing) together can help, or simple unmasking yourself and saying "I am feeling overwhelmed, let's meet back up in 15 mins and continue working on this problem together." Offering support and praising small wins can significantly reduce feelings of shame and overwhelm.

 Emotion regulation tools taken from evidenced based therapy techniques like DBT can be helpful to reduce overwhelm and shut downs.

Parental behavior is a huge indicator for how a child or teen learns to react in situations that feel overwhelming, like changes to plans. Parents teaching positive behaviors like taking a step back and doing paced breathing can actually improve the parent child relationship. Parents working with their kid can help with problem solving and overall executive functioning.

Q: Should my teen be taking medication if they are frequently overwhelmed?

A: Again, each individual is different. Medication is a personal choice AND there is a lot of clinical research to suggest a combination of therapy/ skills development and medication has the best results.

It's important not to stay closed off to anything that may provide additional value and reduce emotional overwhelm to improve overall functioning. We can keep an open mind and simply start by asking questions to a trained psychiatrist who is familiar with ADHD, Autism, or OCD diagnosis. It doesn't hurt to learn more.

It's possible that anxiety and OCD may interfere with the teen's openness and willingness to try medication, so it's important the provider be familiar with OCD if that's the case. As a parent, it's important to understand one's own biases and beliefs about medication to determine if that is impacting ones ability to stay open to new ideas.

 Q: How can I access more parenting training or parent classes for ADHD, Autism, OCD or PDA?

A: In addition to the training program, Sarah Mireles Therapy can offer a list of resources, classes and support groups for parents of neurodivergent kids, teens, and young adults. A list of additional resources and referrals can be found in Autism Speaks website, the CHADD, ADDA, the IOCDF website and local Regional Centers throughout California.

Q: Why are therapy and coaching techniques for neurodivergence opposite to neurotypical recommendations therapy recommendations?

A: This is a complex answer. Most techniques are designed for neurotypical children and teens, meaning they are assuming 'normal' brain functioning. Neurodivergent kids and teens have different levels of functioning and might experience impairments with memory, information processing, attention, ordering and organizing steps for a task and more.

ADHD, Autistic, PDA, or even OCD or OCPD children and teens need a different approach that teaches them foundational skills in a way that takes into account learning differences. Normal discipline strategies for neurodivergent children and teens will not work, and they may even increase avoidance behaviors due to increased feelings of shame and failure.