How to Help You Neurodivergent ADHD, Autism, PDA Teen or Young Adult Succeed

Many parents ask me how to help their teen get started on needed changes. Today I will answer some of the most frequently asked questions (FAQs) from parents. 

Q: What can I do to motivate my neurodivergent teen?

A: Like all questions, this is not a one sized fits all approach. Each individual teen has unique strengths and weaknesses. You can start by asking your teen open ended questions to get to the root of why they are struggling to get started. For example, "what part seems the hardest to do?" "Is this feeling overwhelming? What part feels overwhelming?" It may help to sit down with your teen for a bit of time to take it step by step, breaking big tasks into smaller steps, writing it out, and ordering each step of the task. ADHD, Autistic, PDA Teens feel like getting started is easier when there is a clear path moving forward and they know exactly what to start with. 

Q: What do I do when my ADHD, Autistic, or PDA teen is overwhelmed or shutting down?

A: Giving time and space with a clear response of when you both will return to the discussion is always a good idea. Many times neurodivergent teens need time and space to process. When our nervous system gets overwhelmed it is difficult to think clearly, process new information, or make a decision. Teens must feel regulated so that they can properly absorb and respond to what you are asking of them. Offering skills and suggestions can be helpful, including self sooth objects (fidget toys), offering to do paced breathing (boxed breathing) together can help, or simple unmasking yourself and saying "I am feeling overwhelmed, let's meet back up in 15 mins and continue working on this problem together." Offering support and praising small wins can significantly reduce feelings of shame and overwhelm.

Q: Should my teen be taking medication if they are frequently overwhelmed?

A: Again, each individual is different. Medication is a personal choice AND there is a lot of clinical research to suggest a combination of therapy/ skills development and medication has the best results. It's important not to stay closed off to anything that may provide additional value and reduce emotional overwhelm to improve overall functioning. We can keep an open mind and simply start by asking questions to a trained psychiatrist who is familiar with ADHD, Autism, or OCD diagnosis. It doesn't hurt to learn more. It's possible that anxiety and OCD may interfere with the teen's openness and willingness to try medication, so it's important the provider be familiar with OCD if that's the case. As a parent, it's important to understand one's own biases and beliefs about medication to determine if that is impacting ones ability to stay open to new ideas. That being said, ADHD, Autism and emotional overwhelm can also be better managed with a balanced diet and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) skills development for both parent and teen.